self-regulation happens naturally when the child's energy is embodied

People spend a lot of energy teaching kids how to behave well. Children are told what to do, how to do it, what not to do etc. Sometimes it works and they learn easily, other times parents and teachers get pretty frustrated and the kid gets scolded far too much.

.

When I watch a girl that isn't behaving well and isn't taking cues from friends or parents, I watch how she is breathing. I watch how she is moving and the extent to which he/she seems at home in her skin.

.

Across the board, kids who frequently misbehave, have part of their energy sitting outside themselves. They aren't fully landed within themselves. What does that mean?

.

It means that they are worried, preoccupied, uncomfortable, anxious or in some way consumed so that they can't be still and fall into a smooth rhythm of the day.

.

There are many reasons why kids may have these struggles. The most common is that they are feeling the unspoken stress and the emotional wounds of their parents and acting them out. Kids magnify their parent’s emotional material to such an extent that parents often don't recognize it as their own. The parent perceives that something is wrong with the child. Next thing you know, the kids is getting tested, acquiring labels (not to say that those processes aren't useful in some situations) but the clue to the healing usually lies closer to home.