Out of the Fog
This spring is truly a rebirth after a very hard fall and winter when I found myself thrust back into concussion-land. I was quite unprepared. I had been feeling well and thought I had closed that chapter of my life, or at least graduated to a less vulnerable category. I didn’t imagine I could plunge back into that dark cave, particularly without re-injuring myself.
So what is one to do in a dark cave with no path, no maps and very little light? I tried everything that had previously been helpful – lots of rest, osteopathy and homeopathy but for a long time there was precious little progress.
Eventually I understood that I the only way out was total surrender. That’s when I stopped trying to function. I stopped working, hosting kirtans, even playing music. I meditated – a lot. Chanting, meditating and seeking. With the gift of friends helping with daily life and the support of some talented healers, I gradually saw the path out. As I walked that path, stumbling frequently, it became clear that I was back in school. I was doing the next level of training I had been planning only it was through my body rather than through books or courses.
I wouldn’t consciously choose to be a wounded healer but that seems to be who I am. Standing on the other side of this crossing, I am grateful for what I have seen and learned. My journey reinforced my belief that healing is limitless. Each of us has a subtle yet profound inner voice that will guide us. The challenge is quieting the mind and learning to feel and then to listen. To hear our inner voice, we must clear the way through the defenses erected by our wounds.
On our own, the process easily breaks down because our defenses are so stubborn and opening beyond them can make us feel intolerably vulnerable.
It’s within that intolerable vulnerability that the healing path emerges.
Rather than shy away from your vulnerability, seek a group or a healer that will hold you in sacred space, so you feel safe to open. I know it can be scary to move into those tender places but from everything I have felt and seen, it is worth it.
Life is sweeter, fuller and richer on the other side of those difficult passages.
The passages don’t necessarily relate to physical dis-ease. Each of us is restricted in some way and is in need of healing.
Healing is the process of awakening.