When Self-Growth Becomes Veiled Perfectionism

It only takes a few days as a MindBodyGreen subscriber to get inundated with a broad range of self-improvement projects.  Everything from conscious relationship tips, to diet does and don’ts, to new twists on dental care, core strengthening, breathing and meditation.  By the time the average person adds in this breadth of self-care, the day is nearly full.   The key question is where to focus your attention and how to manage in the wavy sea of self-healing.

I am notorious for taking on self-change projects.  My husband poignantly pointed out, “Why do you want to live in a house that is constantly under renovation?  Why not just live a little?” For a homeopath, yoga teacher and therapist putting the breaks on the growth train is a radical concept.  There is always something to sink into a little deeper, something asking me to open and feel what lies beneath it.

I am immensely grateful for the tools I have learned through yoga, body-based psychotherapy and homeopathy.  The changes I have made in my life give me greater happiness, connection and peace.

The shadow side happens when we get entangled in our self-growth plans to the detriment of accepting things as they are.  At that point, self-growth becomes veiled perfectionism.

In a yoga class this week, I woke up to the need to pause and accept things as they are before I dive into change.  The teacher gave me one shoulder adjustment that showed me the root of the chronic tension in my right arm.  Playing harmonium and texting aggravate the tension but the cause is muscular weakness and imbalance in my shoulders and upper back.  Not surprising but I couldn’t feel it myself until this week.

For a moment, I caught myself going into a place of self-judgment.   “How have I been practicing yoga for twenty years and without mastering this simple shoulder rotation?”  Then I laughed and let go before I had the chance to race off into a plan of fixing this particular problem.  Of course, it would be good to work on and I will get to it as I am doing yoga, now that I feel it, but there isn’t a fire.

I am acutely aware of the irony of this message coming from me.  My work is helping people heal and grow.  What I am realizing, through my own journey, is the need to pause and breathe into the discomfort of seeing ourselves with our flaws.  A reality check and a strong dose of self-acceptance go a long way on the healing path.