Learning to Love Myself in the Desert

A few months ago, I felt a strong pull to go to SatNamFest, a Kundalini yoga and music festival, in Joshua Tree, CA. I knew I would love the kirtan music but had no idea how inspired I would be to step boldly into my own skin. The desert is raw and powerful. It invites transformation.

The wisdom and teachings of senior Kundalini teachers, like Guru Singh, spoke right to my weak spot. To find contentment and purpose I must look in the mirror each morning and say, “Yes, I am.” I must feel my true nature and allow that beauty to shine through me.

We cannot manifest our life’s work when crippled by an inner judge. The mind would have us believe all manner of untruths. Left unchecked, we run off seeking love and validation in the wrong places.

Like every spiritual tradition, the Kundalini teachers preach practice. Every day we go back to the breath and to the commitment to believe in ourselves. There is no magic shortcut but the practice yields presence. With presence, there is less need to look to the outer world for confirmation of our worth.

The Kundalini system is new to me and what I most appreciate is the focus on embodied awakening. I’ve had many experiences of rising energy thought yoga, kirtan and meditation. My challenge has been staying grounded and integrating those shifts into the fabric of my life. I tend to fly up like a bird, soar around for a while and then hit a bump or even crash down.

I left the festival feeling expanded, elated and simultaneously rooted in my feet. When I am full inside, it doesn’t matter who likes me, my work, my music or anything else about my life. I am content as I am.

This week I walk around singing, “Beautiful am I, Bountiful am I, Blissful am I, Wahe guru”. The more I sing that simple mantra, the more I believe it.