How to be compassionate when we feel broken.

How can we feel totally broken and accept ourselves as we are?

I've been totally broken many times in my life and I'd like to offer these thoughts.

In order to heal and move forward from any kind of struggle, we must begin by relaxing into wherever we are right now. We can't put all our energy on striving forward because it creates a tension from the rejection of the present moment.

Until we can be at ease with the present, even when it includes aspects that we really don't like, we will always be wrestling against ourselves. Part of the energy that we need for our healing will be consumed by this inner conflict, by this rejection of the parts of ourselves that we don't like.

But what if there are parts of ourselves that are really unlikable? It’s not easy to like migraines, indigestion, self doubt, or self judgment.

When we notice we are judging ourselves or others and we're not able to stop, it’s a sign that our orientation needs to change. We need to learn how to gently relax into ourselves with our imperfections. We don't need to be better in order to relax into ourselves.

Maybe you can start by letting go of the judgment for 10 seconds. It’s not about changing the judging. It’s about releasing the judgment about the judging, the pain, or the striving to fix ourselves.

Then you'll simultaneously also do some things to help yourself, but at least part of the effort has to be about dropping into your body, exhaling, breathing into the present and allowing things to be as they are. This creates the conditions under which the change you so desperately want can occur.