Surviving a House Fire
I was never afraid of fire. Fire was warmth, power and transformation. Bonfires were happy times with sing-a-longs, drumming circles and kids roasting marshmallows.
Last week twelve of us were sitting around a beautiful community dinner. The slight electrical smell we sensed all afternoon got stronger and in a quick moment it was time to get out. Everybody was physically safe but intensely disturbed watching from the lawn as our house went up in flames.
I calmed the children, held them tight and assured them that we were all safe, what was burning were just things. Flashbacks from a trauma long ago when my brother was hurt kept surfacing. Things can be replaced, health cannot. I assured myself, this was shock but not trauma.
As the firefights worked, we met the musicians that had come to practice. Just that afternoon I had a feeling that the small house wouldn’t be good for our jam. All our gear was moved to the main house living room and set up there. With the children wrapped in blankets donated by neighbours, we sat down to sing. Flute, violin, guitar, drums and keyboard mixed into a medley of sound that soothed me.
The mantras that came out of me were raw prayers, cries for light and support. When my mind drifted to the fire I forgot the notes I was playing. When I came back to the music, I felt held. We played for a long time, just letting the shock melt. Afterwards, gathered in a circle, I was grateful that we were safe. I felt protected.
The days that followed were harder. Grief mixed with fear and loss. We were all mourning treasured things that were lost. Starting over and replacing all of life’s personal belongs is an intense undertaking.
The smell of smoke still hangs heavily in the air and as much as it disturbs me, deep down I trust that there is a greater plan at play. Now is a time to practice non-attachment, patience and acceptance.
It’s a time when community matters to me more than ever which is why I have decided to continue with the Oct 3rd Kirtan. Whether you can join us in person or not, share your light by holding us in your heart.