When our inner-judge obscures, self-compassion guides us to what we need to do next.

When I look back on the times I was really struggling, one of the things that aggravated me was my propensity to judge myself about how sick I was, though I didn’t see it that way at the time.

I couldn't understand why I wasn't healing quicker. I couldn't understand how I found myself in a sick condition, even though I'd done so many good things to help myself. The big underlying thought was: Why am I sick? How do I find myself here? But there were subtler thoughts, too, on a moment by moment basis that was the opposite of compassion. They were the opposite of accepting and trusting that the body-mind is doing the best it can. This kind of thought process adds fuel to an already unpleasant situation. The self-criticism takes the pain and turns it into hopelessness.

A lot of my work teaches people who are in pain to meet themselves with compassion. It’s not something most people know how to do. Most people didn't grow up with their parents modeling deep compassion. So we actually have to practice it because it's foreign to us... ...and our inner judge will dominate very readily if there’s nothing to counter it. The judge has armor and weapons, whereas compassion is so gentle and can easily be taken down by the judge. Therefore, it takes a lot of practice to put the judge in its place and allow compassion, which is a much softer, gentler energy, to flourish and nourish and create the space we need in order to see what we're missing.

Where the judge obscures the next step from our view, self-compassion helps us to catch a glimmer of what we need to do next.