Contracted Living vs. Empowered Living

When my daughter was 18 months I looked in the mirror one morning and said to myself, “You need help”. My son was three and after a year and a half of raising two babies, I was not coping well. To deal with my exhaustion, I was trying to control every detail of the day. I desperately needed the kids to nap at the same time and I went through heroic efforts trying to make that happen because I so desperately needed to crash too.

Eventually I realized that I was getting more and more anxious about things not going according to plan. I started to see that other unmet needs were being projected into my parenting. I thought I had cleared those wounds in my 20’s with all those hours of meditation but kids bring deeper material to the surface. Our children are crystal clear mirrors of whatever is going on beneath the surface of our minds.

So I set the intention to find a therapist with body-based training, who worked within 10 minutes of my house and who was a mother and a meditator. Within a month, I found just that woman and I went to therapy with her regularly for years. She helped me learn to be with myself in a new way. I learned to open in places I had been contracting for years.

This process is ongoing. We can always find moments when we contract. Now I have a practice of checking in with myself when I feel off. I sit and scan to see where I might be holding or tightening. Try it. You may be surprised to uncover how much you brace, tighten or restrict when something triggers you. It’s easier to find our strength when we consciously relax. We can choose to relax, even when we are triggered. I find it changes everything.