Accused of over-mothering patients?

Of all the things to be accused of, ‘over-mothering’ wasn’t one I was expecting.

Of course practitioners want their patients/clients to take responsibility for their well-being. Especially as holistic practitioners, we’re trying to inspire people and teach them how to take more responsibility for their well-being. 

Some people would argue that ‘you can only lead a horse to water, you can’t make him drink’.

True. I can’t heal anyone. I can only teach people how to heal themselves.

So what do we do when a patient doesn’t follow the plan and doesn’t show up for him/herself?

I suppose the answer varies by practitioner. Many would say that they can’t work with somebody who doesn’t follow through with the advice given or the plan that’s jointly created.

We’re talking about adults, who in theory have the capacity to commit and make good choices.

But what happens when they don’t choose well? I don’t give up. I get curious about the part of the psyche that’s sabotaging the process. 

I assume that people who are choosing to work with me want to heal, at least in some part of their minds.

It’s my job to get to know the part that doesn’t show up, that acts inconsistently and derails the progress because that’s most often the survivor-self at work.

The survivor-self is doing her job, clinging to whatever adaptations she adopted to navigate the trauma of her life. She’s protecting herself from the unseen pain of the trauma-self because that pain is often terrifying.

The mothering comes in by holding a loving space for that unseen pain until my client is ready to hold it for him/herself. 

People can’t love themselves with presence until they learn what it feels like.

To most people, loving presence with oneself is a new language. It takes time and a safe container to learn how to nurture ourselves in this way.

If this approach is seen as over-mothering by some, that’s okay by me. I know I’m not creating dependence, I’m teaching independence even if it takes time to grow into it.